Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done!

One of my old high school guy friends used to say that all the time....He thought he was hilarious, and almost everybody around agreed. It was his "I surrender" statement. Tonight I struggled finding words to admit my defeat to the world around me and found no better saying than this, "Stick a fork in me....I'm done!" I feel like I have been in the frying pan for far longer than any woman can come out without being burnt to the crisp on the inside and tired, worn, and weathered on the outside. When faced with just one more thing that I have failed at, I finally broke. I am done. I surrender. I am waving the white flag. But as I continued to spout out surrendering phrases I came across one that just didn't sit well with me: "You win." Who wins? Who am I really surrendering to. I don't think that I really want to come up with an answer to that. Probably because in the pit of my stomach I already know. I know too much about who the 'ruler of the air' is, about my great enemy that comes to steal, kill, and destroy. When things are made that simple, do I really want to be THAT woman. The one who trades my passions and purposes, and willingness to live for Christ, for a little bit of peace from the constant bombardment of the enemy. No I don't. Rather I will surrender to the only one I can trust to care for me enough to provide for me. Maybe surrender was the right reaction, I had just directed it towards the world and not towards Christ. Lord I surrender my will, my frustrations, my sleep deprivation, my ever-changing emotions, my needs, my words, and my time to you, because You can do more with it than I could have ever imagined.
Lord, Stick a fork in me...I'm done. Done doing things my way. Done moving before I hear you speak. Done expecting this world to hand me the fulfillment I can only find in you. I'm done.

~Laura